So, I’m not DC’s Hottest Chef

Hearty congratulations to Urbana’s John Critchley for being named Eater DC’s Hottest Chef. I’m sure the photo they chose of me hurt my chances more than anything, but…

Thankfully, I’m surrounded by supportive friends and coworkers who help keep my ego in check, like long-time friend & “guest” blogger, Jon W., who sent me the following:

In 2012, Chef Teddy Folkman of Dr. Granville Moore’s was entered in the DC’s Hottest Chef competition online. Despite an aggressive campaign, he received fewer votes than LeBron James running for Mayor of Cleveland. An exhaustive investigation was launched, led by the crack team of Dr. Augustus T. Speckmorton, the top researcher in the field of abject failure.

The following are the top 10 reasons Teddy got clobbered:

10.  His mother wasn’t online to vote 8,000 times like every other online poll he’s been in.
9.   Voters weren’t drunk.
8.   Have you seen his back hair?
7.   Teddy’s awkward teen period has become his awkward mid-30′s period.
6.   He used to look like Ray Liotta in “Goodfellas”. Now he looks like Mickey Rourke in “The Wrestler”.
5.   It’s hard work being sexy, and Teddy doesn’t work very hard.
4.   Signing up for “Paula Deen’s Fatburners” clearly didn’t help. He’s now in worse shape than downtown Detroit.
3.   His botox addiction has clearly gotten out of hand.
2.   The Kardashian look doesn’t translate into men.

And the #1 reason Chef Teddy Folkman was obliterated in DC’s Hottest Chef competition:
1.   He’s not hot.